Parenthood has been a journey filled with unexpected challenges and joys. There are things they don’t tell you about parenthood.
Emotional Complexity
When I became a parent, I was overwhelmed by a whirlwind of emotions. I was so focused in having a child that I overlooked about the “how” to parenting. The love and joy were profound, but I also faced frustration and anxiety. I often questioned my decisions and feeling guilty about these messy thoughts. Navigating these feelings has been both challenging and enlightening.
Loss of Personal Time
I quickly realized how much of my personal time vanished. Simple pleasures like reading a book or enjoying a quiet meal became rare luxuries. Sleep deprive, I yearn for some extra minutes of lay-in every day. In fact, expectations lead to more disappointments and frustrations that I stopped having them. My interests took a backseat as my children needs became my priority. Finding balance required creativity, flexibility, and a lot of patience.
The Pressure of Perfection
Social media often showcases idealised family lives, making me feel pressured to be perfect. It makes me feel inadequate and helpless that I couldn’t do more. Envious, I often questioned what’s missing? How some mothers can achieve self-care and picture-perfect while chasing after a toddler? In contrast, my life is messy and full of struggles. Struggle getting help, finding someone to talk to, and having inner peace. Some days, I feel like shutting down my social media accounts. But can I live without interaction with the world? Overtime, I realised that embracing my imperfections is the way forward. It has helped me create a more genuine and nurturing environment for my children.
Changes in Relationships
Parenthood significantly impacted my relationship with my partner. Our focus shifted from each other to our children. When we earn some spare time, we focus on ourselves and catch up with the outside world. My partner works all day that he appreciates some quiet time after whereas I can use some chat time after being on my own all day with a baby. The differences in wants, needs, and expectations lead to moments of neglect and misunderstanding at times. To counter these, open and frequent communication became crucial as we navigate shared responsibilities.
Physical and Mental Toll
Parenting has been physically and mentally exhausting. From sleepless nights to constant vigilance, the demands are relentless. Some say we need to have eyes on our back, like a watch-dog. Prioritising self-care, even in small ways like 10 minutes pilates and an hour walk became big wins for maintaining my well-being.
The Learning Curve
Each stage of my children development brought new challenges, not to mention a 7-months old baby and a 3 years old toddler. Just as I adapted to one phase, another phase began, keeping me on my toes. This continuous adjustment has been both rewarding and exhausting. As much as I am learning new ways from other parents to face these challenges, I respect that every child is different. In the end, my children are my best teacher for conveying what’s best for them for me to accomodate.
Joy in Small Moments
Amidst the challenges, the joy of small moments stood out. First steps, spontaneous hugs, new words, pleasant surprises and shared laughter created profound joy that made everything worthwhile. Seeing my children grow up and share their love with each other makes me whole again. Somehow, these precious moments are capable of erasing my frustrations, provide deep fulfilment and are the ones I cherish the most.
Shifting Priorities
Parenthood reshaped my life priorities. Career used to be my only drive. Today, my family drives my ambition. My personal goals shifted as I focus more on my family. This priority shift led me to reevaluate what truly matters, placing a deeper emphasis on meaningful connections. Having said that, my aspiration of having both career and family in the long run doesn’t change. I cannot imagine being a full time housewife at this point. I mean, what am I supposed to do after they all grow up and go to school?
Embracing Uncertainty
Parenthood taught me the importance of embracing uncertainty. Despite my best plans, unexpected situations arose, requiring flexibility and resilience. While I am still a highly organised mother of two, I couldn’t help but leaving 50% and sometimes up to 100% to failure possibility. Adapting to my child’s unique needs fostered growth and learning for our entire family.
In summary, parenthood has been a complex mix of challenges and rewards. While it can be daunting, the experience also offers profound growth and an unparalleled sense of purpose. More than what a workplace can offer. Embracing both the joys and difficulties has been key to navigating this remarkable journey.
“We never know the love of a parent till we become parents ourselves.”
– Henry Ward Beecher
