Prior to motherhood, success means the ability to climb the corporate ladder, be recognised with diverse portfolio and geographical responsibilities at work, and indulge in jetsetter’s life. My partner and I were trying to have a family for over four years with no results. It was heartbreaking just by thinking of it and even worse, living days with hope just to be let down. Then, I decided to leave these painful thoughts behind for good and focus on what I can do best and do it well. Work and work. To be a woman of courage, it ain’t easy.
Constantly, I was wondering if I was running away from reality or just trying to live a happy life. Deep down, I knew that focusing on career was just a mere cover up for our deficit life. Career success is a social currency that portrays strength and wisdom on the outset. It strengthens our mindset, makes us feel powerful, look good, and eliminates negative thoughts. Using career as a cover up, I relied on this necessary materialistic goal to keep me focused, sane, and going.
Whilst others may feel intimidated by my never-ending ambitious materialistic goals, what they didn’t notice was my incomplete, lonely, and hollow chef’s wife life out of work. There was not many whom I could share these complicated feelings with. I reasoned and cried within more than with anyone else. Over time, these wrestled feelings toughen me up. Some friends could never believe if I was born with tears.
After some time, this family planning topic came to light again. Caught by surprise. I was not prepared and not having any courage to step forward after countless let downs in the past. I find managing expectation has always been my biggest challenge among everything else. Family planning journey requires courage, mental strength, and a supportive partner. Sometimes, it still fail despite. With guts, we tried.
Today, I am a mother of a beautiful daughter. It’s surprising that everything happened with a blink right after conception. It took us years for a miracle to happen. The power of believing that miracle exists is all true.
Leaping into motherhood journey, I was initially overwhelmed if I am well prepared to nurture and bring up a child. Now, I realise it’s an honour to say that my daughter has been teaching me all along. Motherhood has no comparison to anything else in the world ( I am not just talking about labour journey). Career success is something we can earn, build, and set boundary as long as we strategically manage with all our might. But motherhood is an unpredictable and boundless journey right from the beginning. It requires so much more mental and physical strengths in caring for a tiny human being apart from taking care of ourselves (more than trying to have a baby!).
Just as everyone is different in own traits, a tiny human being comes with unique persona and requires us to be versatile in adapting to his or her behaviours. In the past, I would do anything to buy some me-time. Today, I responds to my daughter’s immediate needs, regardless of day or night.
“She first, mine later”
A child can make you do anything, that includes the most embarrassing moment in public when clothes are stained with poo and I’m totally proud of it.
A less perfectionist, a more forgiving, and a more composed person is who I am today.
Motherhood changed me. Being a woman, few family members advised maybe it’s worth considering to take a back seat in career in exchange for more time with my daughter. Having relied so much on career to stay content, it is hard to even think of it. The fear of missing out has been piling up throughout maternity period. At the same time, having a child is once in a life time experience. All I need is courage to manage both.
Still demanding, I hold ambitious thoughts to succeed in my career. I believe in independence and self-made success. Nevertheless, I am conscious that there are many things in life that can wait and at times, it is okay to rely on my partner. At this juncture when the world is still debating about women’s rights to have it all, the truth is some level of sacrifices are inevitable. Yearning for some mercy does not signify weakness. Just as by nature women breastfeed, raising a child requires patience and constant nurturing. Fortunately, our women’s brains have more empathy and gifted to do these.
I do not see any level of sacrifices as set back for women to move forward. Despite these sacrifices make us feel more vulnerable, they’ve also made us stronger, more mature, more efficient in problem solving, and more courageous and innovative in attempting to have it all.
Therefore, if you are a woman who is trying to conceive and have a family, have faith and never stop believing. If you are a full time mother, be proud that this is the greatest job of all mankind. If you are hustling between family and career, please be kind to yourself. You are holding one of the most demanding jobs in the world. If you are still single, the world is your oyster. Explore and enjoy your life to the fullest. Last but not least, if you are a woman who still think career and motherhood is an ‘either-or’ decision, then you might have totally underestimated your inner strength and capability as a woman.
Happy International Women’s Day.
